Thursday, August 30, 2012

with groanings too deep for words

 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. -- Romans 8:25-26

these verses have been on my mind a lot lately. i'm growing up and i'm learning anew how vital it is to trust God with all my life. it is easier to try to take on situations in my life, thinking i know what the best outcome will be. and i don't, and never, ever, ever will be in control of my circumstances. it's funny to me, to be in this place where God has me. i remember looking up to older girls in my church with awe, "their lives are so wonderful! they have it all together, life is great," only to find out that i'm in the same place without a clue in the world. writing helps me think out loud, so bear with me, but i think the more and more i age (i know, i sound like i'm 80 looking back on my childhood) the more i began to get a glimpse, an inkling, a small grasp, of the depth of God and the frailty of man. as i grow up and the parental grip on my life is lessening, the greater responsibility i have to wholly entrust my being, my circumstances, and--well-- all of me to Christ. i can't depend of my parents for everything. it is so comforting to know that the Holy Spirit dwells in me and that is one of the ways i can hear from God. i don't always know how to put into words what i'm pondering or feeling, but the Spirit intercedes. God knows me better than anyone and He promises to not despise a broken and contrite heart.(psalm 51:17)

at the beginning of the year, i made a poster with two words that i thought the Lord would use in my life, two words that i know i needed to work on. these days it is so easy to get bogged down, saddened, and sucked into the pressures of this life. ||BUT|| God. but, God? BUT God, yes God, He is faithful. He was faithful to the israelites and he is faithful to me, today.  specifically in fulfilling his promises to me. the two words i decided upon were perseverance and trust. these two words are and have been so relevant to my life. january one, i didn't know that i'd dislocate my knee cap. i also did not know what God would do in my life several months down the road. what he is doing in my life, several months down the road, is giving me the opportunity to intern with the ministry i partnered along side with this past summer in costa rica. i'm still praying and trusting God to lead me, but i'm trusting in faith, that He will shut the door when necessary. my first step of faith was signing up for a spanish class at my college, which has been going great. i'm just amazed by the Lord because really does work in miraculous ways.