Cracked Mirrors

God has really been working on my heart, and when I say working, I mean squishing, plucking, and cutting out the sin in my life. What that sentence means more specifically, is that while I've been going through the book of Ephesians (women's study), sermons from 1 Corinthians, working, and preparing for Costa Rica, God has brought multiple opportunities for me to live out the gospel. Sanctification. The beauty of this process is that by definition, it is ongoing. Personally, it is so easy to be caught up in the "doing" of my walk with Jesus. Clearly, in James 2:14-17, faith apart from works in dead; yet, lately, I've been stuck in the works. I "know" the bible, but so many of my good intentions are lost in translation. For example, the gospel is simple right? Offensive, yes, but it is simple, but knowing versus understanding and living out what you know are seperate things.  Jesus has been smacking me in the face with the reality of Himself. He's been revealing that it isn't about WWJD (what would Jesus Do), it's been more along the lines of WDJD (what did Jesus do). What did he accompilish on the cross? Now live in the freedom that comes through that.

Now to the title of the post, I'm a cracked mirror. For some reason, God has kept bringing that image to my mind about sinners who love Jesus. I'm in Christ as a new creation, thus I am his representitive and reflection. All to easily, I get upset with another sister or brother in Christ when he or she sins. Usually my mind set is, "how dare they? You're a christian...act like one!" Annnnd then Jesus reminds me "Oh, Lacey, silly Lacey, you too, are a broken representation me." So when I say I've been learning to live out the gospel, that means God has been pointing me to how He loved me. He never gave up on me, despite my failings! 

The fact that I thought I could learn a lesson and just check it off is a lie. My entire life should be in pursuit of holiness because that is what Jesus has called me to. He is all or nothing because he is a zealous God.

That's what God's been teaching me. Follow me, come to me, I am the source.

learning

learning.

 it is a continual process. there are several areas in which I've been learning.

I've been working through learning how to love someone who is difficult to love. and...well, hmmph. first, it is such a lie to think that I will ever completely master something on this earth.( a lesson or concept God is trying to teach me) But guess who tells herself that she does learn things and is an expert in any given area of her choosing? this girl.

 specifically in this situations I'm dealing with, why would I think I should give up on someone, or stop investing in him/her because it's draining? Can you imagine what it's like to be God? "well dang, there she goes again." Even when I screw up, God still shows me mercy, loves me, and forgives me; not because of anything I have done, no, all of God's grace in my life is because of His Son's work on my behalf. So, if I believe that and I'm thankful for how Jesus intercedes for me, shouldn't I be trying to live and love people in that way? um. is that even a questions? duh. God has been reminding me about living out the things I think about and have "deep convictions" about. Lacey, if you really, truly believe this, why are you not acting on that belief?

Right now, I'm in a very busy season of my life. I've been realizing how draining "just" working is. heh. The fantastic thing about working is it.is.always.there. It's so demanding. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I really do! I have learned SO much. Work is so steady, it will always be there; and while I'm consistently fulfilling my role and showing up to work, God is teaching me a lot about rest. What is real rest? I'm not just talking about sleeping, I'm referencing s  l  o  w  i  n  g down and making memories. When I am about to make a decision about plans, I try to think before making hasty promises I can't keep. I'm learning that it isn't bad to say no to good things. I've also been taking time to ponder. Particularly when it comes to reading the bible, lately, I've been trying to meditate and not rush through reading the bible so I can check it off my list.

Most of all, I've been learning about how big God is and how small I am. My mind has been blown by the simplicity and power of the book of Ephesians. It is so encouraging to gather together with women at church and discuss the bible. There are no agendas, just eager women seeking to understand what God is trying to tell us in his word. He has been so faithful to me in giving me understanding and a desire for his word. Jesus has also just been blessing me again and again with raising support for my trip to Costa Rica. AH! seriously. every penny that has been given to me has a story and a purpose, and that purpose is most definitely not to make much of Lacey. I'm so thankful for people who have gathered around me and have poured into me with financial support, as well as those friends that keep asking me about how things are going and encouraging me. You know who you are and you rock! :) God is SO much bigger and greater and more majestic than I could ever comprehend and yet he bestows little blessing to me to point me back to him.

one of those little things is babysitting. babysitting? yep. i just have this indescribable love for people. So when I have the chance to be a kid again and romp around without a care in the world, it makes me smile. it does my soul well to laugh and talk with young people about life, i love hearing their perspective. another little blessing is music. I am that crazy person on the roads driving with the windows rolled all the way down, with music blaring, worshiping and or dancing. it makes me very happy to worship God with music. how cool is it that we can talk to God through song?! but also, music conveys a lot of emotion and whether it's happy or sad, music, of any genre deeply affects me.it's fun to listen to someone sing about the same things you are thinking about or feeling. something that has always made me feel SO alive is the weather. yeah. i know. but really. whenever I walk outside and see the bright blue sky filled with fluffy white clouds, and feel a breeze blowing through my hair, and how the warm yellow sun is making everything look so full of life, i just grin from ear to ear. i swear i have cracks in my face from smiling so often ;)

believe it or not, i still have a lot more to say, but this is it for now. If you made it this far, awesome ;)

//listening to//

• country radio
• passion: let the future begin album 
• james taylor
• john mayer

//reading//

• I am not but I know I am- Louie Giglio
• The bible
• To Kill a Mockingbird (again)
• Multiply-Francis Chan (well kind of, i started it)

the absence of my posts...

...has been due to the fact that a lot has been going on in my life so here is a brief summary:

1) Poetry. Ah, I love me some good poetry. Recently, I have read a few poems from a friend who, in my opinion is a fabulous writer. I asked to share his work with you and he agreed to allow me to post one of his poems. Now, one of the main reasons I particularly like this poem is because I.love.stuffed.animals. I mean, c'mon, think about it, who is loyal, cuddly, always listening, and squishy? My stuffed animals that's who! ;)

So here is Andrew's work:

Fabric of Frienship

I was once your boyhood boon

We'd be together beneath every moon.

Every night was an adventure on which we'd embark.

Remember every memory made on tiptoe in the dark?

You were so scared of monsters below the bed

But you'd never check you'd just hold me instead.

We would build forts when we were supposed to sleep

You told me your secrets I always will keep.

But There came I time when I was outgrown.

Slowly You changed and left me alone

I once was a friend you knew you could trust.

Now I'm alone in the dark and the dust.

I'm somewhere hidden in the back of your mind

I'm a monster below the bed you're too scared to find

I knew one day you'd forget that I exist

I just never imagined it hurting like this.

You made me more than a heart full of fluff

But sometimes miracles aren't enough.

So I'll wait until you're ready to care

About this silly old teddy bear.

2)  I've raised almost half of my goal to get to Costa Rica! God keeps blowing me away. He is my provider!

3)Work is super busy.always. It keeps me on my toes. In other news, I've become a registered Pharmacy technician, woot! :)

4)  I joined an Ephesians bible study at church, which has been extremely encouraging.
    a) *side note* I met an Australian today...at bible study. I just wanted to sit and listen to her talk...forever ;)

5)God has been working in me and I have so many random things to write about but I just haven't made time to sit and focus on typing out my thoughts.Hopefully, I'll get those posts written up soon.

6) As crazy as it sounds, I missed being forced to write. I've always loved to write, and being in a structured environment helps honing in on writing skills, which I've been lacking in.

7) Exercise. *sigh* I tried getting back into jogging and alternating with Pilates every other day. Every thing was going as planned, I was running strong and consistent. Pilates was kicking butt! Then...then I almost dislocated my knee cap again ,ugh, back to discouragement in the exercise arena. I'm going to give swimming and cycling a shot, though. I would like to find some sort of exercise I can do faithfully, well, that's the goal at least.

my favorite

One of my favorite things about being a girl is getting to dress up! Now, I don't do it very often but when I do, I so enjoy it. :) I was perusing on j crew's website and I thought for a little fashion post, I'd post my opinions.

Starting with the ones I don't care for.

1)

Immediately my eyes go to the print. First, the print isn't pretty at all. To me, it screams "i just made this out of my mom's tablecloth." Next: hips hips hips. This pattern is absolutely unflattering. For most women, it is true that, generally, we are self conscious of our hips. THEN why?! Why would you draw attention to that. just. just no.

2)

I liked the concept of this dress with the bow, though, I found this particular bow to be extremely overpowering! The one edge of the bow is jutting out. What on earth.

3)

this is just SO drab. the color doesn't do anything for the dress and the bow. um. what?

4) 

no words. 

And now to the dresses that I fancy :)

5)

I really like the way this lays on the model. I like the color, cut, and material! Everything about it is classically feminine.

6)

My favorite part of this dress is the cut. It fits her so nicely and that is vital to workin' what ya got ;) Wearing clothing that fits YOU (cough) so so important.

7)

I like this dress because of the twirl ability! It is a cute and fun style, lovin' the polka dots lately :) It looks like a light, comfy material as well. My only thought is is model wearing it, she looks thin especially in this dress.

8)

This style and cut is my favorite part of this dress. My only comment is on the color. It was some mushroom color. mushroom? thanks for the visual of a mushy vegetable. no thanks.

all photos from j crews website. i don't claim any credit to any of these photos. all of these opinions are just that, opinions.

internship

It's been awhile since I've posted on my blog and a lot has happened...I got accepted to intern with 6:8 Ministries!!! I'm so excited about this :) I'm in the process of fundraising, which can be discouraging at times. I'm planning to leave in May and as far as I know I $5 raised. Although it isn't always easy, I try to remind myself that if God wants me there, He will provide.

I created this online donating page in an attempt to see if it would be a way to make donating easier.

In other news, I got an instax fujifilm camera! It has been really fun to experiment with. These pictures are somewhat fuzzy because the photos are small, even in my hand. These are from Busch Gardens one weekend :)

not sure what to title this

luke 7:38 "and standing behind him at his feet, weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head and kissed his feet and anointed them with ointment."

what is particularly striking to me is this woman's keen awareness of the situation she's in: as witness by her tears, she is broken. another important thing--she is aware of who Jesus is. which, considering her social status-nothing short of a scum bag- is astonishing. as soon as she learned he was in town (vs.37) she came directly to him. another observation I had about this passage is her zeal to accomplish her mission of getting to Jesus. she didn't care Jesus was at someone's home-a pharisee no less- she eagerly approached him. it would be as crazy as me, without knocking, entering some random person's house because i knew Jesus was in there and i had to see him. the best part? Jesus doesn't skip a beat. in fact, he calls the pharisee out by reading his mind. basically, it goes down like this:(mind you, this is my paraphrase of scripture)

pharisee-(thinking to himself): who is this man that would let this prostitute touch him? 

Jesus-(answering him): simon, if a money lender has two people who owe him money and he forgives their debts, who is the most grateful? the one with the smaller or larger debt? do you see this woman? her sins are forgiven.

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson,
    they shall become like wool.--isaiah 1:18

you see, Jesus was in the midst of sinners. the people we try to avoid, are the very people who were attracted to Jesus. 

yep.

every one of the outcasts we glance in other directions to get away from making eye contact with are the same people seeking after Jesus.

 the homosexuals. the abandoned pregnant teen. the homeless. the drug addicts. the prostitutes. the diseased.

but what does Jesus declare over this woman who sought after him?

her sins are forgiven. 

held in your hands + some honesty

held in your hands

i feel like this is my phrase for the year. (that and koo-koo. haha)

again and again, God blatantly reminds me, "hey you, you are mine."   it is hard for me to grasp the enormity of God, but it is also hard to remind myself that he intimately knows me and cares for me. usually i don't know what purpose God is leading me on the path that he is, though, i can rest assured that he's going to get the most glory, and i will get the most good and sanctification. (romans 8:28) lately i've been feeling like a wanderer in a distant land, completely lead by faith following a cloud by day and fire by night, just like the israelites. my future isn't unfolding for the typical person right out of college.though, if there was anything typical to my life i'd be slightly concerned. i'd rather be weird and in God's will than attempting to live a "normal" life straying far from what He has for me. 

i took two classes last semester at my community college. one of which was a spanish class that didn't end up panning out, unfortunately. so, this semester i'm just working and trying to put some money away in savings. i'm really excited to be where i am. i'm so at peace. i'm expectant but not expecting anything of God. (if that makes sense?not expecting/demanding something particular, just anticipating) right now, i'm beginning the process of applying to be an intern with 6:8 Ministries.   i'm so thrilled to see if full time global missions is where God would have me serve Him. I'm really open to being wherever, but it is a desire of my heart to somehow continue being involved in missions, forever. God took a hold of my life the summer i was in africa. my relationship with him just took off. and i've never been more passionate or alive for Him in my life. 

okay, this is where it gets real, guys.

ready?

life has been nuts. koo-koo, i tell you! if you were to walk into my room now, you'd see that i'm still living out of a suitcase and a backpack. from a trip in december. ah! real life guys, this is real life. clothes are exploding out of both bags. my bed hasn't been made in easily a week and a half. there are books, telephones, toms and more scattered all over the place. now, for being an organized person, this is annoying. but because i've been working 30-32 hours every week. i come home exhausted and usually flop right into my bed. it's a vicious cycle. do you ever just hate stuff? i hate stuff. crap. yuck. blah. it just gets in the way. but seriously, its a problem.

hopefully this weekend will be extremely productive!